In Math, there is a law or principle that states: In a relationship of numbers, when more than one number is to be connected in someway through any of the following operations-addition, subtraction, multiplication or division, there is a definite order in which these numbers must connect in order to get the correct answer or result.
In this mathematical law, called the “Order of Operations” we find the sequence in which operations must be performed when more than one operation is involved. This Math “order of operations” states that one should: •First, multiply or divide, working from left to right. •Then, add or subtract, again working from left to right. •When there is parenthesis, do the operations within the parenthesis first.
To see how this works try computing the following:18 – 3 ÷ 3 + (63 ÷ 3) – 6 = 20 (Wrong answer, not following the order of operations) 18 – 3 ÷ 3 + (63 ÷ 3) – 6 = 32 (Correct answer, following the order of operations)
Similarly, a fundamental principle of Human Relationships can be stated like this: The order in which healthy relationships are developed is that two people •First, get to know each other
•Then, develop trust between one another •Next, make sure you can rely or depend on each other
•Next, make a commitment to one another •Last, have intimate touch. In other words, in people connections, as in math connections, there is a sequence, an order, that people need to follow in order to have healthy, successful, correct results (or relationships). The process is as follows:
1.Know—you meet someone, observe and become familiar with his or her ways, habits, and characteristics. (Are they courteous, polite, mean or irritable most of the time? What is their relationship with God? How often do they become angry? How do they treat their mother or father and other elders? What are their hobbies? Do they live a regulated or haphazard life? How do they handle money? Does he or she owe major debts? Are their any “exs” to worry about? How do they treat strangers? Can they laugh at themselves? Do they have a sense of humor?) Also, carefully consider how you met the other person. Was it through a trusted friend or relative, at a library, school or other public place, etc?
2.Trust—building a “healthy relationship” means that this person’s habits, activities etc. are based on principles and behavioral patterns you can count on. Do you have confidence in the integrity of this person? Does he or she accept responsibility for taking good care of you — for treating you with dignity, love and respect? Also, at this stage find out what is the honest opinion of some of your family members and friends about this person.
3.Rely—At this stage, you should know that this person is dependable, that you can rely on him/her to be honest, keep his or her word and have certain ethical or moral principles of behavior. In other words, you can trust this person to act in socially healthy or mature ways most of the time. For example, Can you trust him/her to tell the truth, keep his/her word, be clean, have compassion for others, and consider you first sometimes?
4.Commit – After you have come to know someone and can assure yourself that this person is worthy of your trust and you can rely on him/her, then you can mentally commit yourself to being open to a deeper relationship. Generally commitment refers to engagement and/or marriage.
5.Intimate Touch – after you know someone well, can trust and rely on him or her and can make a commitment to this special someone and he or she can make a commitment to you, then and only then should there be intimate touch.
Put in the words of the ditty that we learned as children: “First, comes love “(Getting to Know, Trusting and Relying on one another) “Then comes Marriage” (Commitment), “Then comes the baby in the baby carriage” (the result of Intimate Touch) Unfortunately, in our contemporary society, many, many people neglect this process and put the “cart before the horse”.
Nowadays, men and women intimately touch each other long before they know each other well or feel they can trust or rely on one another; or, people hastily commit to a person before they really know him or her, before they have concluded that they can rely on him/her, or before they have developed trust in him/her or prior to having a solid commitment to one another.
The result of neglecting this relationship order principle has been disastrous for our relationships, producing high divorce rates, out of wedlock children, bitterness and enduring emotional scars. Therefore, we should be determined to proceed with a deeper knowledge for relationship success from this point on by following the “Law of Relationship Order” when embarking on any new relationship.
What’s Happening at DZFI?
* into the Cleveland Hispanic Hall of Fame, other couples reaffirmed their marriage commitment in a beautiful celebration including entertainment, food and a keynote address by Luis & Edith Vazquez. The Cleveland Plain Dealer reported an excellent feature article about the event. (Some readers may remember that Dasi-Ziyad Family Institute coordinated the First Black Marriage Day in Cleveland in March, 2008).
Upcoming SELF (Singles Evaluating Life and Family) Healthy Relationship Course© will be offered in the Spring of 2009 in the greater Cleveland, Ohio area. Only a select group of individuals will be accepted for this in-depth, interactive and comprehensive training course. This Self Healthy Relationship Course© will prepare unmarried individuals for healthy relationships. DZFI’s SELF Course is a 10-week course, 1 session per week. Send email address to [email protected] to find out how to register and for more information.
For couples wanting relationship skill-building to improve their marriages or relationships or to get premarital skill-building contact us at [email protected].